Endnu et modeord har sneget sig ind i sproget.
Hvordan er det gået til, at liv er blevet lig med støj?
Jeg støjer, altså er jeg...
Politikeren og ministeren K.K. Steincke (1880-1963) gjorde sig mange stikkende, prikkende strøtanker,
På min første mobil kunne jeg programmere ringetonen til at spille en yndlingsmelodi.
Det fortrød jeg.
"Du er nu nummer syv i køen. Vent venligst", siger maskinstemmen - kun afbrudt af frygtelig ventemusik.
Geografi er ikke nødvendigvis københavneres/sjællænderes stærkeste side.
Og lige nøjagtigt hvor lander flyet i Jylland?
Findes der noget værre end en lyskurv, der står og tæller ned til næste omgang grønt lys? Det er til at blive vanvittig af!
Kassemedarbejdere (og vi andre) kan godt undvære kunder, der forvandler supermarkedet til en helt personlig telefonboks.
Når det er k0ldt og vådt og gråt og trist - og bliver ved med at være det - er det bare træls!
Og det er et godt ord at sige: trælllls!
Alligevel ikke en parkeringsbøde. Man når lige at blive forskrækket. Men er det egentlig god reklame?
Den ene persons faste vending eller smarte bemærkning er den andens fladtrådte floskel af den type, der næsten kan fremkalde allergi.
Det kan vi sagtens.
Men først er vi lige nødt til at finde ud af, hvad der er galt med din hånd, siden den værker.
Frem på instrumentbrættet i bilen toner pludselig en lille lampe, som man aldrig har set før - og lidt urolig bliver man jo altid.
Hvad bliver det næste?
På en p-plads står en forladt bil uden nummerplade (og med flade dæk), og man fornemmer ikke den store begejstring hos ejeren ved udsigten til, at politiet kommer og henter den en dag.
I virkeligheden har mennesker aldrig været på Månen, Jorden er flad - og indeni alle verdens ledere findes reptiler, som styrer os.
De skøre teorier står i kø.
Man kan jo ikke altid løbe i forvejen. Først længe efter den mest massive omtale er jeg sprunget på tv-serien "Stranger Things", og den er slet ikke til at slippe igen.
Kan det tænkes, at fortælleren ikke altid er den vigtigste? Hvem ved, måske er det selve fortællingen.
Hvornår skal man bruge vendingen "massere af" som i "vi har massere af muligheder"? Det er nemt at huske: Aldrig!
At være samler betyder også, at man ender med at samle på bekendte.
Danskerne er nærmest utrættelige standup-komikere, altid klar til friske bemærkninger og vandede vittigheder. Og Storm P. - ham med tegneserien "Peter og Ping" - førte an.
Børnebogen fra OTA Solgryn er fra 1940, tegneserien "Hanne Hansen" er fra 1936. Det var en anden tid, som man siger. Og ikke alt fra engang bliver genoptrykt og genudgivet. I hvert fald ikke uden kommentarer.
Jeg er simpelthen nødt til at dele en sjov historie om Roger Moore, kendt som James Bond i syv film i 1973-85.
Nogle pakkefirmaer fortæller ganske enkelt om alt, hvad de foretager sig. Ned i alle detaljer.
Nogle streamingtjenester har ingen tålmodighed. Fire sekunder har man til at beslutte sig for næste afsnit af en serie. Rolig!
Snacks nu med smag af...
Sommetider kunne det være sjovt at være på en fabrik for at høre, hvordan idémøder egentlig forløber.
To gange om dagen har jeg passeret den flotteste, postkasserøde sportsvogn.
Set i køledisken hos Føtex.
Nu med meget mere giraf?!
Set i den lokale SuperBrugs.
Alligevel billigt for en bar. Koster det mere at hænge i den?
Og hvad koster drikkevarer?
Så arvede man lige et par æggebægre med Ping fra tegneserien "Peter og Ping". Så er der bare æg til morgenmaden fra nu af.
Nu bliver det lidt lummert - men vi er vel blandt voksne mennesker... I denne automat er der (for sikkert mange år siden) blevet solgt pornoblade. Sjældent har beskrivelsen af indholdet af en automat vist været mere præcis.
På denne burgerbar har der siddet seks personer. Ikke én af dem har ryddet op efter sig. Hvorfor ikke?
USAs næste præsident - måske. Nu også med medlemskort - hvis man ønsker det. Det ligner en bevægelse. En kult?
Unge har altid haft deres eget sprog, Eller deres egen måde at håndtere sproget på. Stik imod alle gældende regler.
Så bliver man lige tilbudt et millionbeløb - bare sådan - af vildt fremmede. Det kan da umuligt være snyd. Vel?
At købe flybilletter kræver det helt store overblik - for man bliver hele tiden spurgt, om man ikke kunne tænke sig at købe mere og mere. Og mere. Og mere.
Før i tiden kunne man godt føle sig forkælet, hvis man abonnerede på et blad. Sådan er det ikke i dag. Slet ikke.
Hvorfor bliver loyalitet ikke belønnet?
Fra reklame for en optikerkæde.
Øhh, jo da - men hvilken sol?!
Skulle der gå ild i éns eldrevne bil, gælder det bare om at komme væk i en fart. Men måske kunne bilen selv hjælpe?
Set på et skilt foran en afdeling af Meny.
Det havde været rart at vide, hvad det betød - så man kunne være lidt forberedt...
I forbindelse med en festlig sammenkomst er man blevet udsat for en såkaldt intelligenstest. Naturligvis for sjov.
Så er det også prøvet.
På nyt album, "Un Hommage", har Andreas Odbjerg overgået sig selv. Han er en poparkitekt af den sjældne slags.
Der er næsten ingen ende på de fejlhøringer og fejlslutninger, som børn foretager i det daglige, når de hører bestemte ord og udtryk - og videregiver dem.
Regel nummer 1, når det gælder plagiat lyder i al sin enkelhed:
Lad være! Det går galt.
Langt, langt ind i hjertet gør det ondt på gamle bogelskere at se bøger blive smidt ud i containere på genbrugspladsen i afdelingen for papir.
Ikke smide bøger ud!
Bøger er til genbrug!
Mange danskere holder af en kvik bemærkning, hellere end gerne hægtet op på et ordspil.
Set ved restaurant i Aalborg.
Her kan man simpelthen få udleveret et selskab - men man kan åbenbart også slippe af med ét. Praktisk.
Så blev det omsider forår, og det skal man ikke kimse ad ... Men hvad vil det egentlig sige?
Hvad forventes der af mig?
Set hos den lokale købmand.
... Fordi det gør ondt bare at kalde dem, hvad de er:
Skøre varianter?
Pudsigt navn til en mayonnaise. Kunne producenten slippe af sted med at lade flasken være tom?
Den søndag gik alting galt.
Bussen var forsinket, det samme var toget, og da det endelig dukkede op, blev det holdende ret længe.
Penge kan være så mange ting. Især hvis man betjener sig af gadesproget slang.
I bunken af aviser i postkassen lå der pludselig en morgen ... et par breve?! Af papir og med frimærker på.
Har du mulighed for at sende mig det og det? Og også det? Naturligvis. Det gør jeg med det samme.Og bliver mødt med massiv tavshed.
Endnu et sikkerhedstjek:
Hvilket dyr vender rigtigt?
Men et dyr vil vel altid vende rigtigt.
Så er Fanden løs i Laksegade. Den går ikke, Granberg! Så fik han ellers lige en kurv. Netop som han var i den syvende himmel.
Sproget vrimler med besynderlige talemåder.
I dag kan man som bekendt følge pakkers vej fra A til B. Denne service bliver af nogle kaldt Track & Trace - på godt "dansk".
Sommetider får man alt at vide.
Der mangler næsten kun oplysninger som: "Chauffør napper en hurtig kop kaffe 16. februar 9.41".
Efterhånden er det blevet lidt af et forhindringsløb at købe ind.
Set i Netto:
... Og så det lange!
Set på forsiden af DSBs blad "Ud & Se": Det er da vist ikke rigtigt noget for børn.
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Hvad i alverden skal man blive ved med at kalde endnu en udgave af de fire vigtige ingredienser gær, vand, byg og tid?
Tænk at blive kørt over af et bud på vej ud med mad til en person, der kun lige akkurat orker at trække vejret, men ikke at hente eller forarbejde mad selv.
For nylig blev jegkastet i armene på en chatbot, en maskine, der skal forestille at være i stand til at besvare de mest banale spørgsmål.
Øhh, alt, hvad der er sat til salg, er vel usolgt?
Og det kan jo ikke være et fynsk tilbud - for så havde der jo ikke været mere...
Hvorfor hedder det abracadara? Og åger?
Et 100 år gammelt leksikon giver svarene.
På dansk kan man som bekendt godt være hangry - altså "sur og gnaven, fordi man er sulten".
Hvorfor ikke multen?
Der var engang en bjørn, der kastede en sten på en mands hoved for at skræmme en flue væk - og kom til at knuse mandens pande. Et godt indfald, der fik et særdeles dårligt udfald.
Det lever videre i udtrykket bjørnetjeneste. Eller gør det?
Der findes ikke det kendte, gamle ordsprog eller mundheld, der ikke kan forvanskes eller rodes sammen med et andet kendt, gammelt ordsprog eller mundheld.
Så slap man igennem endnu et sikkerhedstjek.
"Du har bevist, at du er et menneske". Tak for tilliden!
Vi prøver os frem på dansk.
Vi prøver, og vi prøver, og vi prøver - og vi beder ikke mindst andre om at prøve.
- Prøv og kom og se min stol.
- Prøv og spil dette spil.
Og det måske mest jyske af dem alle sammen: - Prøv lige og hør her.
"Vi oplever ekstraordinær travlhed på vores telefoner i øjeblikket", lyder det på telefonsvareren.
Men altid? Hele tiden?
Uanset hvornår man ringer?
På et socialt netværk har der en overgang foregået en bizar selskabsleg: Hvillken besked ville du give pårørende, hvis du blev kidnappet?
- Jeg tror, at min far elskede Halfdan Rasmussen højest af alle de venner, livet berigede ham med. Sådan skriver Tomas Møllehave i bog om sin far, præsten m.m. Johannes Møllehave, "Fluernes herre".
Så forvildede man sig lige ind på en burgerbar. Før i tiden kunne man tage alt det ketchup, man ville (og dét ville man!), gratis. I dag er intet gratis. Ud over servietter og sugerør. Lidt endnu.
En pakke ketchup på sølle 10 gram koster 3 kroner, altså 300 kroner kiloet! Så hvad vil du have: Husets vin (et andet sted) eller ketchup?
Ordspillet Wordfeud på mobilen kender slet ikke til PMS. Det gør andre jo nok...
Vi lever som bekendt i et samfund, hvor vi skal vurdere hele tiden.
Hvordan var det for dig?
På vej ud af en butik bliver man ofte bedt om at trykke på knapper.
Med jævne mellemrum - lidt for ofte - gør Carrie Bullimore opmærksom på sin eksistens via (uønsket) e-mail.
Nogle steder står tiden stille. Og så er der de steder, hvor udviklingen har ramt som et knytnæveslag.
Indkørsel og havegang i nærområdet ligner noget, der har været udsat for en større og mere omfattende angreb. Det må have været en fuldtræffer.
Rolig, Linkedin - rolig, rolig, rolig!
Du virker som vennen, der smiler så bredt, at den øverste del af ansigtet er ved at krænge bagover.
Så gælder det bare om at komme ud for at køre stærkt på motorvejen. Meget stærkt!
Belært af bitre erfaringer med passagerer, der opfatter togkupeer som deres dagligstue, havde jeg bestilt plads i en stillekupé. Men....!
Langt, langt de færreste har så veludviklet en fantasi som Archibald Haddock - tegneseriehelten Tintins bedste ven - når det gælder eder og forbandelser.
Når man handler på nettet, også med andre privatpersoner, er det ligesom med tilværelsen som sådan: Det kan rumme ret voldsomme op- og nedture.
Findes der noget værre end overfriske radioværter, der spiller dumme. Men for hvis skyld egentlig?
Hvad skal det til for?
Dobbeltklik her for at tilføje din egen tekst.
Findes der efterhånden én eneste vare, hvor producenten ikke praler af kun at bruge "de allerfineste råvarer"? Nogle må da for pokker stå tilbage med det skrald, der bliver til overs, når andre har snuppet det fineste. Alt kan vel være det fineste?
Og dér står man så med endnu en madvare med kød i - og på pakken står: "Godkendt af Dyrenes Beskyttelse". Og man tænker: - Nå, det lykkedes så heller ikke denne gang at beskytte dyret i pakken...
"Det var så ikke det, min søde, lille hundse fejlede". Hundse viser sig at være en sød, lille hund. Hvor så ikke bare skrive det?
